Yesterday I was reminded of the person I used to be. The person reminding me knew me in another lifetime, I was younger, sassier and more confident. He expected me to still be that me, and after a few hours with him I was left thinking that he is right, I am still that person inside. It has an extraordinary effect on me, on one hand reminding me of just what I can achieve and on the other focusing me on the learning past experiences can bring.
For several months I have been in an uncertain limbo land of unmade choices.I have dithered and dallied and worried far to much on the what ifs and the maybes. Decisions are made and wheels set in motion to change almost everything about my life style. It is exciting and a bit terrifying all at once. The most important things will stay constant, my husband, my children and my friendships and it remains to be seen where I will be at the end of it all.
Leaving a job, selling a house, big things in anyone’s world, but to be honest now the decisions are made it seems quite simple. The rest of my life is up to me. No longer will I drag myself into an environment where I am mostly miserable, to earn the money to live in a house that doesn’t meet our changing needs. No longer will I complain about the workload and the challenging tasks facing each day and yet unthinkingly return each day to do it all again. We are only here once, life needs to to grabbed around the neck and taken for every precious minute. What on earth have I been waiting for?
I have been reminded that I am in charge of my brain, and if my brain is making my body hurt, then I can change that, it is my brain and my body. When the aches and pains come, as they will surely do, I will say to myself, ok, but I am not acknowledging that thought, I will move on to happy thoughts and see what happens to the pain. I will accentuate the positives and become a modern day Pollyanna, without the syrup, and by choosing happy I will become happy.
In the whole debacle of change and upheaval in the workplace I have talked to many of my colleagues. One, who has been turned down for the leaving package said something so profound it hit home. She said, ‘I might not get redundancy pay but I have made friends for life in this job and that is worth so much more’ She is right, money doesn’t last, memories do. Short term financial gain played against experiences and friendship that will last forever.
So this morning I am setting off to work knowing I have 5 more Mondays in this workplace, and a lifetime ahead of me to do other things.
Watch this space world, I am coming to get you.