Monthly Archives: June 2015

on how a little help is better than a lot of pity

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Today I have been speaking to one of my most favourite people.  My Auntie is older than she looks, and we are not allowed to say exactly when she was born, but she has been around for a long time.  A normally sunny and happy person she is now facing the dilemma of ageing as her body is giving up far quicker than her mind.  When I see her now I notice that she is smaller than she used to be, her face shows worry and she appears somewhat diminished.  However, spend ten minutes talking to her, once she has got over all the things that are wrong with the world, she is easy to get chatting about the old days when she was young and she becomes younger as she talks.

I first remember her when I was about ten or eleven, when she arrived home from living in another county.  She was blonde and smiley with an enthusiasm for life that was very attractive to me. She would arrive at my parents house with gifts for us kids, and it was never anything ordinary.  She bought me games my friends have never seen or special pens and paper for drawing with, and she would sit and chat to us kids as well as to the ‘grown ups’ which was very unusual indeed

Over the years things changed, her life went in a different direction as did mine, but once I was married with babies, she again leapt into my life with vigour.  ‘A little help is better than a lot of pity’ was her catch phrase and she helped me in so many ways.  Taking the babies to the clinic she was there with me, a baby each to dress and undress, cleaning the house to give me more time to take care of the little ones, Marigold gloves in hand she was there.  All done with no fuss and a lot of fun.

In recent years she has been feeling the passing of time, her hubby passed away and living alone was proving difficult.  We talked often about life, the past, the present and the future. She stays with us at times and we spend long hours laughing and sharing stories. She is still the same person she was when I was ten.  Her body is older, so is mine, her laugh is still as strong, so is mine, and her spirit is still there, hiding under her fear of the future.  I can so understand this.  She is making massive changes at a time when she is feeling challenged by her physicality.   She is struggling with new environments and new people and muddling through the changes that are necessary for her to live safely.

At this time she needs to be reminded of the person she once was. She is still that person. Just because age is upon her, doesn’t mean she is no longer funny, strong and interesting.  Just because she sometimes repeats herself, or focusses on the things that have gone wrong, doesn’t mean she can’t be reminded of the fun of life and her past strength and courage.

It is so easy in our early years to take life for granted.  Busy with family and making a living, we don’t look forward to the future and imagine ourselves older, tired and feeling unsettled. When it happens it must be a shock to the system, but I have learned from my Auntie that the real you is still there, just waiting to pop up again.  Talking with her about things she loves, people she has known and the memories of my family that no one else alive has, is so important to me.  We laugh often and compare our lives, for there are indeed some similarities between us. At these times I see her once again as my bubbly blonde Auntie.

So, if you have older people in your life, albeit in your family, friends or neighbours, I would say to you, look past the grey hair and see the blonde or the brunette that used to be there. Listen to the stories, you may never hear them again, or mostly likely you will do so the very next time you meet!! Respect these senior citizens for they have lived a life we could never imagine, and above all see the person, the personality and the life within the tired body.

One day it will be our turn, if we are lucky, we will be the older person. We will be a bit confused, a bit worried, eager to talk to you so much that we will forget what we have already told you.  We will know that we haven’t changed so much from how we are today, we are still ourselves, and we will puzzle at why the world cannot see this. Our opinions, our knowledge and our memories will be intact and we will want to share them, quickly, while we still can. We might appear to be grumpy and to dwell on life’s bad bits, but with encouragement and patience we will be able to show who we really are. For within the tired old bones and shaking body the spirit is intact and waiting to be seen.

on harnessing the wind

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this morning I took my breakfast outside to eat in the early morning sunshine.  Within a minute I was back in the kitchen.  The unseen element of this sunny morning was the strong and gusty wind blowing across from the hills, making sitting outside very uncomfortable.

Once I had eaten my next thought was what can I wash?  It would be such a shame to waste the wind. Minutes later the beds are stripped and in the machine, and soon are pegged out on the line, blowing madly in the air.  I have had to return twice to adjust the pegs, it really is windy, and now a couple of hours later all is dry and smelling that magical smell you can only get from the open air.

Washing on the line was an everyday feature of my growing up years.  Everything was pegged out and then brought back in to air on the rack, a pulley in the kitchen.  Mum would stand and iron in front of the rack and place the freshly laundered clothes in piles for returning to wardrobes and drawers.

I guess in the days before tumble dryers or radiators, the line was the only hope for freshly dried laundry, and I do feel a connection to all the other Mums who have spent so many hours bringing clothes in and out of the house.  In my first house my neighbours would knock on the door to let me know the rain had started, and I would scurry outside to bring it in quickly.

So, once again us humans are using our environment to help us manage our lives.  When I go the sea in Wales or alongside the estuary of my home town, I am struck by the majestic sight of the white windmills standing proud in the sea, providing electricity for hundreds of people.  I enjoy watching the small crafts, sails up making headway across the water and I love watching the trees bending and waving while standing tall and still.

Walking with the wind at our back, although playing havoc with the hair, gives you the push to walk a little faster, and walking against the wind makes the journey more difficult.  It is strange to me that this invisible force of nature is capable of so much.

It is so interesting that something we cannot see, and struggle to measure, can be so powerful.  It makes me think about what other invisible forces can affect our lives.  Things like hope and love and imagination, all invisible and yet essential.  Many feelings and emotions are not on show to the world and many of us keep them buried deep inside, and yet like the wind they will surface and effect us from time to time.

So, next time the wind is blowing and the clouds are racing across a blue sky, take a moment to pay tribute to the invisible powers all around us and to focus on positive energy within us all.

on good pains

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I woke up this morning, as I do most mornings, wondering which bit of my body actually hurts the most.  I cannot remember a day when I have awoken without a pain somewhere and it is so much part of my life now I don’t actually view it as unusual.  Once out of bed and moving around the pain subsides and the day begins.

Reflecting on this while having breakfast I was drawn to a memory from childhood.  I was an active child and an active teenager, I swam a lot, I walked a lot and I rowed and canoed at least three times a week. Then, as now, I loved being outside, and thought nothing of running around constantly.  There was a time when I had been a little more energetic than usual and had visited a local church where the tower was open to the public. I climbed the hundreds of steps to the top without a thought, but that night at home my leg muscles were hurting me badly.  I told Mum, who was as ever sympathetic and when Dad came home he also got the sorry tale of my poorly legs.  Dad smiled and said, ‘that is great love, you have good pains’.

Now, I was completely confused, what on earth is a good pain?  As I was struggling to walk up to the bathroom I was not inclined to agree with Dad.  He qualified his opinion by explaining that muscles are meant to be used, and the pain I was feeling was as a result of a positive experience and as such was a good thing.  Dear Dad, he always had a slightly different view on the world, and at the time I was critical, I wanted sympathy not congratulations.

As the years have gone on, I have thought more about what Dad said, and come to realise that he was, as usual, right.  Pain can often be a good thing.  It is our bodies way of telling us something is different.  For my teenage self, the difference was in the type of activity I had done and the aches soon subsided. In later years pain has alerted me to illness and to problems within my body and my children’s bodies that otherwise would have made things very difficult if untreated.

Without toothache we would not know of infection in our gums, that potentially could harm us. Without a stomach pain my sister would never have known her appendix was about to burst.  There are dozens more examples I could give.  Pain is often a force for the good.

The pain without cause is a more difficult thing to live with and to understand.  When medic after medic finds no concrete reason to explain the daily struggles of living with pain, it is easy to be worn down by it all.  At these times I talk to my body and remind it that I am actually in control and I will use the tips and tricks learned over the years to cope.

So, oddly today my blog is celebrating pain, of all types, the pain that sends us a message to get medical help quickly, the pain that informs our lives and makes us think of different ways to live. Without my physical pain, I would have continued long in a job that I didn’t like and wasn’t good for me, it was my body that told me this long before my mind came to the same conclusion.  Without knowing the awful pain of heartache I would have no point of reference for the happiness I have today.  Without the muscle spasms of all those years ago, I wouldn’t have the memory of my dear Dad, cheering me on through the pain in my legs and introducing me to the concept of good pains.

Thanks Dad, once again your wisdom is informing my life.

on finding friends

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Today I had an unplanned visit from a dear friend, who bounced into my kitchen with her usual enthusiasm for life.  This is a person who has always followed her own road, who is compassionate and intelligent and huge fun to be around. Sitting in the sunshine with a cup of tea we chatted and caught up on several months of news and views, and I was reminded how lucky I am with the friends I have.

Everyone I know in my home town I didn’t know less than twenty years ago.  It was then we made the decision to uproot the children and start a new life in a different county, a new town and a new way of life. I arrived in my new home, alone, with four children and that first morning I awoke to the thought that beyond the front door I knew nobody.  This seems incredible now.

I have great people in my life.  I have people who have challenged me, who have cared for me and with whom I have laughed and cried in equal measure.  I cannot imagine not knowing them and having them in my life,

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if we had chosen a different town to make our home. All the people I love and consider friends, would not be in my life.  I then start to wonder if there is a parallel world, in which all my potential new friends are living and loving, in a town we didn’t move too, and not knowing me or me knowing them.  Thoughts like this often make my head hurt.

So, did I just get lucky?  Did I chose the place where I would find my friends, or would I have had similar relationships with other people, in a different town?  I have no idea, but lucky I am.

on bringing out your shine

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Today we have spent all day painting the walls and ceiling in our living room.  Covering the tired magnolia paint with a fresh bright look it was tedious at times but so worth doing. A few hours with a can of paint, lots of chatting as we worked and a transformed living space has meant we ended the day a bit tired and achy but with a feeling of achievement.  Tomorrow we will add colour with stripy wallpaper and a new fire, and we will again feel satisfied with our labour.

Before we could start painting we first had to empty the room.  A years worth of clutter, toys and magazines, precious photographs and ornaments carefully lifted and moved to safety  Without these things the room looks empty, but so spacious.  We will have to choose carefully what will go back into the clean bright room, for sure and sure can be we will add more clutter as the years go by.

It strikes me that we should look to brightening our lives wherever we can.  Every now and then to take the time to sort the clutter, to remove things we no longer need and to choose what we wish to keep. We must pay attention to the life we are living, try not to be so busy living that we forget to make a life.

By brightening our world we will feel better, by being careful to see the light and bright and to be brave enough to remove the dull and the dusty that will drag us down.  Pick your colours carefully, chose to surround yourself with lovely things you enjoy and spend time with those people who bring out your shine

on the beginnings of Summer

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a day or two later than planned, the June blog is under way.  June is typically the start of summer for me. After a long cold winter with dark nights and mornings, Spring has teased the sun from it’s hiding place and by June it is established in the sky most days.   It is a time of light mornings and late evenings spent outside, of parties in the garden and fun in the outdoors.  At the beginning of June the longest day is yet to be and we can look forward to the daylight longer and longer each day.

Well, so far this June has not quite lived up to expectations.  The monsoon like rain that fell on the first of this month equalled anything we have seen in the winter time. The temperature has been higher in April than so far in June, but I am not concerned, because June will get there in the end.

Strawberries for breakfast, the garden is ablaze with colour, if a little soggy, and the mood is light. Summer is a coming and I am ready for it.

It was quite a shock then to have one of the saddest days in the national news yesterday.  In the midst of my summer optimism, I found myself feeling inexplicably bereft hearing of accidents and deaths of people I had never met.

One was a politician, who dealt with his demons in the public eye.  A fair minded man he had the courage to stand up for what was right at a time of war, reminding fellow politicians of the absurdity of attack.  His words fell on deaf ears, but he stayed firm.  When he relinquished his leadership role, we all lost out, as his replacement bore no resemblance to his predecessor.

Next came the dreadful news of an accident involving young people enjoying a day out at the theme park.  I was travelling with my daughter in the car as she was hearing the news via social media.  She was visibly upset.  This theme park is close to our home and somewhere she has visited many, many times.  The ride involved is one she has ridden and the seats in which the most injured were sitting is the same place she has chosen to ride.  At once the fragility of life as we know it was recognised.  This could so easily have been her.  She was genuinely shocked, as was I.  We don’t know yet the details of the injuries to these young fun seekers, but I am hoping it is something from which they can recover quickly.  My thoughts are with them and their families.

Then, late at night we hear that a young girl has been found dead, following a search that has lasted days.  The community she lived in came together to look for her. I don’t know any details, but as a parent my heart is heavy.  A young life lost, a family in mourning and the world has shifted once again on its axis.

So, June, so far you are not living up to my expectations.  Instead of sunshine we have had rain, instead of happy times we have heard of tragedy and sadness.  I am going to try very hard to feel positive. Today, for me at least, is a new day, and one I hope will be filled with happier thoughts.  I have had strawberries for breakfast and the sun is indeed shining through the window.  Life is fragile and precious and we all do well to remember that.  Making the most of each day we have is all we can do.