so we go off to the hospital to see how broken hearted hubby actually is.  We are fairly confident it will be something simple, something easily fixed.  We were perhaps a tad optimistic. It would seem all is not good.  It was one of those occasions when a doctor who is called a Mr explains patiently all the possibles and none of them are particularly good.

All is not lost, hubby is booked in for a raft of tests, thank goodness for the NHS, we would never be able to afford what is on offer, and once tested, scanned and screened we will all know a bit more about what is going on.  Best case is that medicine will do the job, followed by the possibility of surgery down the line, really it doesn’t matter as long as he is fixable.

Hearts are good things to go wrong.  From my experience of almost sixty years ago, there is much known, and much skill in this area.  He is in good hands.

We make our way back to this, our once special place, which is feeling a bit different these days.  I am panicking about being so far from friends and family while dealing with this latest trauma, hubby is reflective and together we are individually trying to get used to what we have heard and how it might affect our new life.

I still feel in shock, it doesn’t seem long since we were living an ordinary life, working, making a home and enjoying life without much thought.  Now less than three months later, here we are.

Obviously the only thing we need to think about is getting him well, but it all seems really difficult. I thought I had learned lessons over this time, but now I feel that there is more that the universe needs us to know.  What other reason can it be for the seemingly constant onslaught of problems, nearly all those that we have no power to change.

Today, twenty four hours on, it is feeling, at least for me, a bit more manageable.  I am thinking that if we had never had to leave our home he would not have had a medical and this would still be happening, unseen and untreated.  It is a sobering thought.  Now, at least the doctors are on it, they can investigate and treat and in time all hopefully will be well.

A silver lining perhaps, in what has been a dreadful few months.  It makes me realise that the unexpected, is just what it sounds like, and from one unexpected event the rest is following.  Tears have been shed, so many this past few weeks it is unbelievable, but now we have to dry our eyes, put on a happy face and deal with what the future holds.

Four years ago tomorrow we married.  We said for better for worse, in sickness and health, and we meant it.  So, universe, bring it on.  We will be ok in the end, and if it isn’t ok, then it isn’t the end.