It is Sunday and once again in this strange life I find myself in I am back in Wales. Friday and Saturday spent back in the place that used to be home, I find the journey Westward gives me time to adjust from one life to another

Strange things come to my mind while i am driving.  A song, that was once a significant tune, and maybe not in a good way, well that song innocently pops up on the radio and almost floors me.  Instantly I am back in another difficult time, and to be honest it doesn’t feel good.  Luckily the tunes following are more upbeat and I recover my mood, the traffic is light and the hills and coast are beckoning me.

I spent the rest of the journey trying hard to count my blessings.  It isn’t the easiest of things to do just now.  For every positive it seems that there is a negative alongside, yin and yang in the worse possible way.  My thoughts are drifting to the old life.  I find myself thinking about our sofas. chosen with care and delight, they were probably the nicest sofas I have ever owned.  Currently sitting in a storage facility, safe and sound, I am wondering if they are missing us.  Missing how my big girl would snuggle up, watching rubbish on the box with her comfy blanket over her.  Wondering if they are missing how we would all squeeze on when friends and family came around, how my baby  Granddaughter would lie full length catnapping between stories and TV.

We have sofas here in our Welsh home, of course we do, and they are also lovely, but here they are missing people, the ones who are not here, not sitting down chatting, not lounging on a Sunday, it makes me feel a bit lost to be honest.  I am wondering if there will ever be a place for our old sofas, will we have another room to make memories in, to welcome friends and family? Geography is making distance difficult today. I have to stop this thinking it is making me too sad.

So, between homes, between towns, in two different but connected countries, my life is continuing.  Meals are being cooked, shopping unloaded, cups of tea are brewed and memories are made.  It is all very strange.  As I type this I am looking over the hedge to the hills beyond.  I know that behind me, down another hill is the sea, and all of this I love.  I am just sad that miles away, in another country, are my family and my friends.  I didn’t plan this, it wasn’t on my list of things to do this year, and yet here we are, a half life, in two places, neither truly feeling like home.

Big girl’s pants back on I am remembering that we are the lucky ones.  We had someone to go to when it went wrong.  Somewhere that is comfy and cosy, with a garden I adore, and new friends to be found all around.  We can do this, we are doing this.  A friend this weekend said that no matter where we move around we take ourselves with us. I love this, it says to me that no matter which sofa we are using we are still ourselves and if home is where the heart is, then we are home right now.