in all the years I have worked with young people some lessons are repeated over and over again.  The boy who can’t sit still in class, becomes the fool and gets in trouble, the same one that knows more about cars than I could ever hope, maybe watch him pick up drumsticks and make his anger into music, this happens. Then there the girl who tries so hard to fit in she stands out, for all the wrong reasons.  Then you see her with a little one, or an older person, or when she is running or swimming, she is different, she is good at this, and that is what we all want, to find what we are good at.  Sadly you see everyone doesn’t fit in, and yet everyone has their place.  It just takes time to find it.

I am thinking of those who make it very difficult to get alongside and offer help.  The truth is that the ones that are hardest to love are the ones that need love the most.

If we begin by accepting that everyone is doing the best they can, then that is a good place to start.  When you are confronted with aggression, with tears, with alcohol infused rage or silliness, it is helpful to remember that right now, at that point, this person is being the best they can.  Not forever, or even for long, but right now this is them.  Taking the person out of the behaviour is a skill developed over time.  Looking past the front and seeing what is behind, this is what makes a good youth worker.  I know this, for I have worked with some of the best in the world.

When I was new to working with teenagers I had a boss who understood what it was like to feel marginalised.  He set out to work with all those young people others had given up on. To work in an alternative way.  I am ever grateful that I was on his team.  He taught me about patience, about expectations and most of all about acceptance.

Back then we worked with people who had made choices that severely impacted on their lives.  Those who had chosen drugs and alcohol, sex and violence, and many should still of been at school.  He taught us to see past addiction and to look at the reasons behind it.  He said simply ‘people in pain, take pain killers’.  I have never forgotten that, and have never forgotten him.

So, if we start with the premise that those that need love ask for it in the hardest of ways, we suddenly begin to see the angry boy, the drunken girl in a different light.

In my career, which has been long and varied some things have never changed.  When I meet someone for the first time I always look them in the eyes, smile and offer my hand to shake.  I do this very deliberately and for specific reasons.  Sometimes the people we are helping have not seen anyone smile at them for a long time, having an open face, eyes and a smile says we are unafraid and we are welcoming.  Hand shakes came later.  It was something we introduced when working in a drop in for young people and we noticed what a difference it made.  Later, one boy, who had appeared in very unclean and smelly clothing, he had been rough sleeping, was welcomed with a smile and a hand shake.   We offered a shower, clean clothes and support, and over weeks he got back on his feet.  This boy said the thing he would always remember was that first hand shake.  He said that no one came near him and no one had touched him for weeks and weeks.  He was seventeen this boy, and he taught me another valuable lesson.  Never, ever underestimate kindness and a warm handshake.

Once again it is the simple stuff that makes a difference.  No matter if you are working with teenagers or older people, or no one at all.  In life you can always make a difference, with a smile and an offered hand to hold.