on stepping back and taking a breath

this week has been a whirl of thinking, planning, looking at properties, wondering about future plans, it has been a bit full on.  Now hubby is on the mend, it seemed a good time to think about our future, to begin to take control of a world that so far has been happening to us, rather than us driving anything.

Turns out this is not an easy thing to do.  It is fair to say both of our heads are a bit scrambled with choices and there is simply no way to make a decision.  Do we want a house?  A flat?  Where shall we live, do we buy or rent?  Too, too many things to think about.  So we have decided, to stop.

This is the summer break, a time when in previous years we have spent holidays in the sun, eaten meals outside, walked in the countryside with rest and relaxation on the agenda.  We need to make this happen now.

I have been reminded today of a time when I was young and carefree, when I spent a summer camping on a beach, drunk on life and sunshine, and it has to be said, cheap wine and beer.  That young woman, who loved that summer is still here.  She has somehow hidden herself under responsibilities, dealing with grown up life, she may have also actually forgotten how being free really feels.  In the mirror a different face looks back, but inside she is still here.

Today, she, I, have decided to remember, to go out and find the joy in simply being.  Living in the moment, not thinking about tomorrow.  That is my new plan for this summer.  Yes, we have big stuff going on, hospital appointments where we will learn just how unbroken hubby’s heart now is, and eventually decisions on where we shall live will need our attention.  But mostly the next five weeks are about being free, about living and loving life and celebrating the sunshine, that just a few months ago, I thought hubby may never see.

So, time with friends is planned.  An escape to an island in the sunshine with my gorgeous girl, will give me a taste of her life, we will swim in the sea and each cheese and drink wine.  We will laugh and I will remember the joy of simply living.  Something it is so easy to forget.  Hubby and I will spend time doing things we love with people who love us, what better plan in the world is there than that?

Autumn will arrive, as it does, bringing the promise of cosy nights and glorious colour, Winter will follow, and somewhere along the way the decisions will be made, changes will happen.  Until then I will be found sitting in the sunshine, letting life happen. Making the most of every moment.

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