It was quite something this morning when a tiny bundle of love and fun settled onto my chest as I rocked and soothed the tired tears away. Sitting on the sofa, with the Autumn misty morning outside the window, obscuring the hills in the distance where the leaves are gently falling to the ground, the grey sky giving no hint of the blue of summer that was, I hold you tightly and love you.
Soon you settle, your little fists unclench and tiny fingers wrap around mine. You snuggle yourself into me and your eyes, drooping at first, close gently. Your breath is regular and I find myself taking the air at the same time, our breathing co-ordinating as you slumber.
Looking at you I am remembering another time, over thirty years ago now, when it was another child who snuggled and slept on my lap. If I close my eyes I can see the living room with the second hand sofa, the unmatched cushions and the huge old television. The gas fire on the wall gave us warmth on another Autumn day all those years ago. The same tables I now have in my living room sat in that room, I think of this the only furniture that has lasted the years with me. I can remember the feelings of love, of hope and of joy, coupled with the unimaginable responsibility that was mine, to care and grow this little person into adulthood, would I ever manage to do it?
The view from the window then was not the hills and trees of our home today. Then, we looked out as pilot boats chugged out to the big ships to guide them safely into port, we saw the white waves splash against the sea wall as the sky competed for greyness with the water below and ferry boats plied their way backwards and forwards across the river.
Another time, another place, but feelings remain the same, the love and amazement at the wonderful child in my arms. The promise of what is to come, of who you will be, where you will go and what you will teach us all. I lay you down next to me, softly you are snoring as I write these words. Dreaming perhaps of fun to be had, there is much to do. You are growing and learning everyday and I am so blessed to share this time with you.
Sleep well my little one, when you awake we will read the stories I once read to your Daddy, we will play the same games and we will eat our lunch together. The circle of life is all around. Everyday you make my heart happy.