on learning to let it be

firstly a huge apology to all my readers, I simply haven’t had the energy to blog for some weeks.  We are still in the middle of chaos, hubby’s broken heart has been looked at by more medics and a fix is going to be happening.  My new job is taking a lot of energy and balancing health concerns with exhaustion does not make a good mix.  Add to this a heavy cold, with shivers and aches and pains, life felt a bit tricky this week.

Things are coming to a head.  The operation date is fixed, and in the next week we shall finally get all our belongings out of storage and settle into this sweet little house, we need to make home.  It will never be perfect while so many people we love are so far away, but I am learning to live with that.

Anyway, earlier today I was driving to work as usual.  The road is busy but I have the sea for company, this morning it was still and pale and cold looking, the hills in the distance still topped in their snowy overcoat, it felt that winter was hanging on.  So as normal driving time is thinking time, and today I am thinking very negative thoughts.  I am trying to understand how it came to this.  How one day all was normal, living in our home town, with health and happiness all around, to the late Summer catastrophe that turned into an Autumn of uncertainty.  I was thinking how I had expected to be settled at this time of my life, providing the base for the family to return to, with teenage bedrooms eventually turning into Grandbabies rooms.  Knowing this will never be is making me sad.

I drive towards the coast, through fields that are now familiar, I notice new horses have arrived on one side of the road, and the last of the snow is still piled against the hedges.  I suppose I am feeling a bit lost, a bit adrift with the unexpected changes daring to defeat me.  It all seemed hopeless.

The man on the radio is a cheery one, especially on this morning drive, and I am listening without paying attention to the banter.  Then the chords of a song I have always held close comes through the speakers.  At the exact time I am feeling so lost, so sad, so hopeless.  I cannot believe my ears.  Still driving, I feel my cheeks dampen, then tears are slowly falling.  There is little traffic, but at the lights I find myself singing along, and cannot help but believe that this song, coming on the radio right at the moment of hopelessness, well it wasn’t an accident.

So, yes readers I am going to take notice of such a sign and take comfort in the overwhelming feeling that the universe has a plan for us, and that plan is here.  We shall indeed Let It Be, and learn to embrace our new life.