on finding your sunshine

We have all had the sort of days where everything that can go wrong does so, when the world seems to conspire against us and nothing we do is right.

We have also had days when hopes and dreams are fulfilled and when the sun is shining bright.

Which days do we chose to remember and which do we allow to inform our lives?

Recently I have been spending time in our caravan, a home away from home in the Welsh countryside.  The position of the van means that different parts of the interior have varying degrees of sunshine.  Early in the morning soft rays come sliding through the front window, alighting briefly on the sofa and warming the end of the living room.  Breakfasting at the table it is possible to feel the warmth and the promise of a lovely day.

Later the sun has moved across the sky and stronger rays come streaming through different windows, sitting reading in the path of the sun is lovely, especially on days when winds make sitting outside not an option.  By the evening the sun is once again weak and coming through the end windows casting long shadows across the carpet.   It is my wont to follow this sunshine and to sit in the rays throughout the day.  I also enjoy watching the skies turn to reds and purples as the sun slips down beyond the horizon.

It occurred to me yesterday that there are places within our caravan where if you chose to sit there, you would never feel the sun on your skin.  No matter how warm and lovely it is outside you could chose to sit in the shade.  Thinking about this I was struck by how much life is like the interior of our caravan.  How at certain points there is cool shade and no sunshine, where in other places the sun will feel warm.  How there have been times in my life when I have chosen to stay in the shade, not wanting to move towards the sunshine.

How when doing a job that made me unhappy I chose to stay for much longer than I should have done, in the dark corner, for fear that the sunshine place may not exist.  How there have been times when I have settled for less than I deserved for fear of changing and moving towards the sunshine.

Sometimes we choose to stay in the dark to allow other people to have their time in the sunshine.   This can become a habit we find hard to break.  Sometimes those people never notice our sacrifice, for they were in fact capable of finding their own sunshine, it was our choice to stay in the shade.  This way resentment grows.

I guess it is all about choices, we decide where and when we will see the sunshine, and when we want to stay in the dark.  Sometimes the sun is blocked from us, sometimes the world seems to conspire against us, and sometimes this is actually happening.  The strength is in the making of decisions in the knowledge in your heart about what is the right place for you and at what time.

I hope I always will chose the sunshine.  I hope I will share the warmth with those who need it and that I will never again sit in the dark for fear of the light.

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