Advent – friendships, then and now

today a friend shared a meme on social media, in the shape of a Christmas tree the words have special meaning and are worth reflecting on.   It begins, This Christmas end a quarrel.  Seek out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust.

I love this, the idea that we should end a quarrel, surely that is the best idea of all.  How many times have we ended on a bad note, thinking it will blow over, then days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and one day you realise the friendship is lost.  Maybe we should all seek out a forgotten friend this Christmas time.

I have a lost but not forgotten friend.  We went through the early days of being mothers together, inseparable, our children were at home in both our houses, we knew everything about each other, the support we shared in what were trying times, had I thought bound us together forever.  It seems not.

Years later, we don’t talk anymore.  I have never understood exactly what happened between us.  We spent a weekend together, my friend went home and never spoke to me again.  I tried phoning, at first not realising what was happening.  From our endless chatting, suddenly she was too busy to speak, once she put the phone down on me.  I remember now how that felt.  I missed her.  I missed the easy way we could talk, the shorthand long lived between us.  I missed knowing what her children were doing, for years they had been mine too.  I got over it, built a new life, I already had great friends, they just weren’t her.

So, I see the meme and I am once again wondering, pondering, what on earth happened.  I have heard on the grapevine news, she has Grandchildren, I would have loved to have shared that with them all. But it is not to be.

The next line, dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust.  I gave that some thought.  I have sent a Christmas card, to be honest I have done so every year for the last ten years.  This year I have added a note.  Simply saying, I have missed you, I hope all is well in your world. I have added my phone number.  This is all I can do.

I don’t expect a call, I am sure whatever it was is too long gone now to mend, which is sad.  This year will be the last card I send, time has passed, I would love to hear her voice, but I can live without it, if she is not wanting to speak to me.

So, candles in the darkness today, must be the hope that we have that friendships will endure.  If this is not possible, then the light that was the friendship, the support and love we once shared and the happy, happy memories I hold dear.  I hope my friend is having a wonderful life, of course I do, and I will hold my dear friends now close this Christmas time.

No one is ever gone while people remember them with affection, my friendship is still there, it is just not acknowledged any more.


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